>> Wednesday, November 27, 2013
I am pretty much in the same state of mind this year as I was last year in regards to trying to live in today and not in anticipation of tomorrow. But I wanted to share a thought that crossed my mind last week over dinner. We had ventured out to Davis Square for the afternoon, both kids were in rare form. It was 4:30 and pitch dark. Too soon to head home, too cold to stay outside, we decided to brave dinner at Redbones, our favorite New England attempt at southern bbq. Crayons occupied Remi for approximately 3 minutes and I failed to bring any sort of teething device for Wells, assuring Bryan it was ok for him to chew on the edge of the table because I had "wiped it down really good." The tables are very close together at Redbones, like elbow touching close. Trying to head off any sort of full melt down, I knew I needed to nurse Wells. But nursing my baby while touching arms with a stranger superseded the awkwardness that our seating arrangement already presented. So I took my baby to the single stall bathroom where I found the women's to be out of order. And so I stood, flanked between a dirty urinal and a toilet with the lid up and I nursed my baby and I rolled my eyes and I thought, like I have thought on many occasions in the past, I really did not appreciate the ease of a spontaneous decision to dine out until I had children. Spontaneity in general is just something that does not exists in our current phase of life, this phase where it takes 20 minutes to pack a bag just to leave the house.
I finish nursing, open the door with my elbow and head back. Deciding that you only get one round of being the laid back mom who lets her child chew on a restaurant table (two rounds, now, that's just neglect:) I keep Wells in my lap, feeling a tad exhausted. And then I look over and a (guessing) 7 year old little girl is staring at me and she smiles and for some reason it made me think, seven year old Stephanie would be so jealous of you right now. I mean, come on, you're holding a baby at dinner! That is so cool. And it made me think of all the other things, that may seem mundane to adult Stephanie, that seven year old Stephanie would have thought was the bomb. I not only eat holding a baby on most nights, I sleep every night with a baby two feet away from my head, in my closet! I play play-doh multiple times a week, watercolor almost daily, and get to walk around my neighborhood pushing not one but two babies in a stroller. Motherhood can be exhausting. It can feel like a continuous motion of just trying to maintain sanity, for both me and my children. But this Thanksgiving I want to take a minute and acknowledge that I am thankful for getting to live my seven year old self's dream. It really is a good one.