>> Monday, November 8, 2010
First of all, thank you all so much for your sweet words regarding our little bun in the oven. We are thrilled. He is due April 4th. This week I will reach the half way point and I will say, this pregnancy is flying by. His little room basically looks like an interiors work room right now, so stay tuned for plenty of nursery themed design posts. I found out last week that Mr. Sabbe apparently has a pretty strong opinion about what is good and not so good for a little boy's nursery. This should be fun.
This Chapter of EHS focuses on "the wall" that most of us are brought to along our spiritual journey. This wall is a great challenge, pain, loss, struggle, disappointment, etc. or a combination of many, that we are forced to deal with in our lives. Scazzero says " We question ourselves, God, the church. We discover for the first time that our faith does not appear to "work." We have more questions than answers as the very foundation of our faith feels like it is on the line. We don't know where God is, what he is doing, where he is going, how he is getting us there, or when this will be over."
There have been some walls in my life this year for sure. Fortunately I have been able to cling to God instead of pushing him away and I firmly believe that "God powerfully invades us when we persevere patiently through his suffering." I understand that sadness, pain, and loss are not something that God delights in. He weeps with us when we are sad. Our grief is the result of a fallen world, not a fallen Creator. "We make choices to trust God, to wait on God, to obey God, to stick with God, to remain faithful when everything in us wants to quit and run."
In our society it becomes very easy to start viewing God as your personal wishing well. We use terms like "personal Lord and Savior", which is meant to describe your individual walk with the God and the fact that he knows us by name.(Luke 12:17) To many people it translates to a personal assistant and secretary. We pray "I obey and keep my part of the bargain. Now you bless me. Do not allow any serious suffering." One thing is for sure, the human mind is not expected to understand God. We have all known and been saddened over the fact that people die, spouses are unfaithful, natural disasters occur, people lose their jobs, and people struggle with infertility. But it is often not a question of whether God is good, or God exists, until some of these struggles land on our own front door. Why is God good and faithful until it happens to us? And when it happens to us will we realize, this is our wall? Will this be the end of our spiritual journey? I hope not.
I know to some people this whole book may sound like a big downer, calling out all of our life's imperfections. And I just want to point out that I use my life as an example not to say, "oh, listen how sad it's been and all I have suffered", or "look at me, I've been through so much and I still love God, what's wrong with you?" Walking with God is a marathon, not a sprint. Everyones' walk is different, but I will testify that if I had not let the Lord carry me through this year, I would not be in a very good place. I have met with a therapist and spoken with different people over the past 8 months who always ask the question, "How did you make it through this? You seem to be doing so well." And while I am not always "ok", I let them know that my strength comes from my God (which is always interesting in a town where people are very uncomfortable taking about, or giving credit to, God) Like the classic poem reads, sometimes we walk with God and sometimes he carries us. I have not walked in 9 months. If you are at your wall, I truly believe it's the only way to keep moving.